Jesus, My Coping Mechanism

Ever since I have gone back to school (if that’s what you can call dropping everything I thought I was going to do and switching majors and schools) for counseling, I have unearthed things I had never meant to.  There is something about putting your ‘all’ into a matter that makes things come alive to you.  I truly think that I have found my niche and that this is what I was created for, because I can’t help but let it consume my thought life.  Mix that with the supernatural events that have been occurring and you have a neon blinking light that says “Jordan Lee, Go This Way!”

But what is truly interesting about this whole thing is the fact that in the process, I have begun to see what I am studying portrayed in the actual people in my life…namely, myself.  For example, in the midst of a conversation with my friend, Olivia, the other day, I realize that I was, through the course of conversation, deflecting.  So I said it: “I’m deflecting now.”  Thank God that I have friends like Olivia who can deal with me during my self-discovery and understand that I am a verbal processor and some of the things I say are in complete rhetoric.  But it is events like this that are just a byproduct of what I am ‘filling’ myself with, if you will.  In that same conversation, I started seeing not only the fact that I was deflecting in that scenario, but that I deflect in many settings in my life this same way.  It’s a coping mechanism.

Avoidance and conversion are my two mechanisms of choice, with a particular specialty in rationalism.  I don’t like to handle something I perceive to be outside of my own values or tolerance so I avoid the issue altogether, or converge it into something else in order to make it digestible, and then rationalize it on the way down.  Furthermore, as I am noticing this about myself, I realize that a coping mechanism doesn’t actually benefit you in any way.  It, in fact, creates the pretense that the issue I am facing is dealt with, or more importantly, never coming back, but yet it always does.  Unless you actually face the issue that is staring you down, all the coping mechanism really does is delay your confrontation for a while.  You see, herein lies the problem: now the power of my coping mechanism is unveiled.  I feel like Dorothy unveiling the Wizard of Oz…it’s all smoke and mirrors and altogether disappointing.  It’s like my conversation with Olivia, the power of deflecting is rendered powerless to deviate me from the issue when I see it for what it is: the prolonging of that issue that I didn’t want to face in the first place.

How then, am I to cope? If my coping mechanisms no longer work to deter me from the stress of facing the issue, which I deem to be intolerable, how then can I ever manage?  The answer?  Jesus.  The Bible says that He died to take all of my cares and burdens and in turn replaced it with His load that is easy and light… manageable, tolerable, digestible.

I am not going to lie, the mechanisms I’ve implemented and practiced for so long aren’t going to just disappear like a cheap magic trick.  I have to learn to spot and disarm them when I see them, and that takes time.  But the greatest thing about my discovery is the point of this whole article – I don’t have to be alone while doing it.  I don’t have to go searching for these issues and exterminate them one by one like some freak Freudian self-help book would have you do.  The Holy Spirit, who knows me better than I know myself, will do it with me.  He’ll be diligent to spot things when I am not, and He will be the one to give me the grace to overcome them. Then He will show it to me in doses I can tolerate until the problem is actually extinguished.

I’ve rearmed myself...locked and loaded.  Now, when something comes up that I don’t want to deal with or don’t think I have the capacity to deal with, I’m going to stick the Name of Jesus in front of me and let Him deal with it, which works out nicely for me.  I guess you could say it’s deflecting 2.0, although there is nothing about this new software download that prolongs my issues – just deals with them because it won’t pretend to make my problems disappear, they actually will.

Until next time, I’m upgraded and integrating…

The Birthday Experiment

Birthdays.  I have been ridiculed on a consistent basis for my views on this subject, due for the most part to the fact that I tend to extravagantly celebrate them.  I understand the argument against the matter; it’s just that I don’t agree with it, simply stated. 

            Ever since I was very young I have valued my own birthday.  I don’t believe that is uncommon.  What can be more exciting to a child than staying up past their bedtime, eating cake, and receiving boatloads of presents?  Really, nothing compares.  But as I have gotten older, I have realized that a birthday is much more than a party with fattening food and worthless, last minute gifts.  It is about having a celebration of life.  That may sound corny, but I believe that it is so true.   It is a time when you take inventory of the people in your life that are worth celebrating.

            I have recently concluded a yearlong experiment in regard to this subject.  Announced only to my family, I began to really search what I believe to be true on this matter via Facebook.  Now, I know what the reader is thinking here, most likely anyway; that this is a blog on the benefits of facebook.  Not to worry my skeptical friends, it is not so.  I simply used Facebook as a vehicle to find the truth.

            One year ago on my birthday, I started to tally all of the well wishes that I received and look at each one of them individually.  I realized that since I love being well wished, that surely everyone else does also.  So, on October 30, 2010, I stated silently, and just to myself, my scientific procedure.

1.The problem: What do I really value in my friends and do they mean enough to me to take time out of my day to wish them happy birthday, even if that is the only correspondence I have with them all year long?

2. The Hypothesis: If I cannot, or do not want to wish them a happy birthday, then they aren’t actually a friend and I should reconsider my relationship with them. 

3. The Procedure: I will wish every single one of my friends a happy birthday on their respective days for a year.

4. The Data:  I didn’t always get to do it on they’re actual birthday, but I did not miss one person all year long.  I received thank-yous from most people and even some private messages from others, and some people didn’t even acknowledge my posts at all.

5. The Conclusion:  No matter how people responded or who responded, the conclusion I drew was that I, not them, am somehow changed because of it.  The experiment forced me to log on to my facebook and think about other people first and examine, even if just for a minute, what those people meant to me.  It was really a humbling experience, because I realized that there are so many people who mean something to me in their own right and I have the privilege of helping them to celebrate their lives on their birthday—even though I may not be physically able to do so.  I think more than anything, it created a sort of continuity of humanity for me and has just strengthened my birthday convictions all the more. 

I have heard people say that birthdays come every year and that if you make too big of a deal of them, that you make them common.  I disagree; your birthday is the commemoration of another year of life that can be anything but common, especially in the present world we live in.  The other more frequent argument is that it is selfish and inconveniences everyone else to celebrate on such an excessive level.  Again, I wholeheartedly disagree.  If you have people who care about you, your life is not an inconvenience to them, and celebrating you as a person is anything but excessive.

            Wherever you are in life, you should take time to celebrate your birthday as well as the fact that there are people out there who care about you.  Your birthday should mark the life before you, not tally the life behind you.  Celebrate what has been done and hope for what is next!  A yearly reminder for you and all of your friends and family that you are a living, breathing human being with thoughts, dreams, wishes and hopes – there is no greater reason to celebrate than that!  No matter how big the celebration, or how few people attend it, you can celebrate that you are alive!